I was working with a mom yesterday who was talking to me about how she and her husband often have to tell their children that they can’t afford something, no matter what their children requested.
She told me that the saddest part is that they have plenty of money.
Hearing this broke my heart because I can remember wishing I could afford what my boys had asked for. For example, when my oldest son was in junior high he wanted to buy a sound system. This was a huge thing for him, he felt he needed it. Little did I know that seventeen years later we would still be using parts of that sound system. The very same one I had worked so hard to save enough money to purchase.
During my conversation with this woman I realized that was one of the messages I had always tried to tell my children; that I could afford them. One of the ways I could send that message to their heart was by paying for and being able to afford the things that they wanted. As I was telling this woman my story she realized that she had been telling her son over and over that they couldn’t afford things, but that the message she was sending was that she couldn’t afford her children.
I think as parents we often forget what messages our children receive from us. We’re so busy taking care of the business of running a family that we forget there is a human being with needs and a heart that is growing, and gifts that should be explored. Helping them to figure out what those gifts are and then investing in our children’s future is an important part of being a parent.
I often tell my sons that they are my best investment. What I mean is that instead of putting all my money in savings so that I would feel a little more financially secure, I put my money into my sons, helping them to succeed. I wouldn’t help them fail, as I told them on occasion, but I was happy to put money toward their success. I think that these days parents forget that their greatest investment is their children. Pay attention to the message your child is receiving from you. It’s important. I know that for the mama in this story the other day was a day of reckoning for her. She came to the understanding that her musically gifted child had stopped playing and studying music because she had sent the wrong message. He thought she couldn’t afford him much less the cost of lessons and travel and all that came with his special gift.
Pay attention to the message your children receive from you. Watch their faces when you speak to them. You will be able to see what message they are receiving. The words out of their mouth will tell you what’s happening in their hearts. Being able to afford your children is an important part of living big.
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