Give what you want to receive.

There’s an old Bob Dylan song that says you’re gonna serve somebody. That’s very true. You are. It might be your boss or it might be your spouse. The truth is you need to give what you want to receive.

If you want love you need to give love. If you want to receive joy, give joy away. It’s important to remember that the only way to have a friend is to be a friend. We’ve all heard it a thousand times but it’s the truth. So, to start the flow, give something away first. Decide what you want, take whatever it is and give it away. It will come back to you, usually in larger quantities than you gave.

You can see this when you raise your children. As you raise children you work really hard to love them and care for them and do for them. Then after they’ve gotten older there are years and years when they give love and care back to you tenfold, which is the sweetest reward. It doesn’t look like it when they’re small and you are taking care of their every need but they eventually do grow up.  And however you’ve treated them is how they will treat you.

If you see someone who has a need and you have the wherewithal to take care of that need do it for them. In west Texas where most people rely on cars for transportation there are lots of flat tires, people having car troubles. You can stop to help them. We are still in a place in our society that you don’t have to be afraid of consequences if you do stop to help someone. You might take their tire to be fixed. You might call someone for them. And you’ll be surprised. The next time you need some help, they’ll be someone there to help you.

It’s the same idea with joy. Lots of times when you leave the house in the morning you have the hum-drums, don’t wanna do it blues. But putting a smile on your face is contagious. Other people will smile back at you, which in turn gives you what you needed to have a better day.

If you don’t have what you would consider a lot of money, enough money to give away, give away a little bit. For instance, you might go to a convenience store and the person in front of you might be a nickel short but you have an extra nickel. Give it to them. They’ll be so grateful. You’ll be surprised. The next time you need a nickel there will be a dime. It snowballs. It starts bringing more and more.

I believe that you can’t out-give God. So, whatever you are giving away give it as if you are giving it to God. He watches and sees and then it comes back to you. It’s great fun to see the cycle in action.

There’s a man I know who says you only get to keep what you give away. I love that saying.

It’s so true, you can’t hold on too tight. Don’t clutch it, don’t hoard it. Let it flow. And when you let it flow it brings life.

I’ve seen this work in my life. As a person who didn’t always have a lot I gave away whatever we had. People were always showing up at the kitchen table when the boys were younger. I’ll never forget how we would have just enough to feed everyone. And somehow or another if there were three more guys who sat down at the table there was enough food for them because everyone would share. Now those young boys are all grown men who still share their lives with me. The same was true with our homes. People would come to our house and just hang out. In turn it’s been wonderful to see that other people will open their homes up to me. It’s a blessing similar to the way I’ve blessed others. It’s really a sweet gift. I shared my life with others and now they are sharing their lives with me.

Everyone gets hurt in this life. It might be caused by a friend or by a family member. It may be because we lose a job. It may be because someone whom we love passes away. It may be a divorce. It may be because of abuse, etc…
The list of potential hurts is endless.

According to a good friend of mine, “Life is fair”.

She is eighty years old and has seen a lot. She believes life is fair because regardless of who we are or what we do we are all hurt at some point in our lifetime.  It is an unavoidable fact of life.

She’s right, you know.

If we all made a list of all the times we have been hurt it would fill pages and pages. What should we do with all that hurt? If we keep it and think about it we allow it to steal our joy.

The only solution that I have found is to instantly forgive. Immediately. Without a second thought. It’s hard to do when my heart is hurting. But once I grant forgiveness my heart begins to heal.

Forgiveness sets us free. Metaphorically speaking when we forgive we take our hands off the other person’s throat. We let them off the hook and ask God to bless them. In doing so we set our hearts at ease.

Do you know the story of Jesus as he was being nailed to the cross? I’ve read it many times and am always amazed. While those men were nailing Him to the cross He asked the Father to forgive them. He said, “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” Wow!

I think there’s a reason why Jesus chose to do that, maybe even several reasons. One of these was to assure the soldiers that he harbors no ill will toward them. He knew that later, maybe even that very day, they would find out who it was they had nailed to the cross and he wanted them to know they were forgiven.

The following reason is the one I connect to most, personally speaking. Jesus knew that he was going to be physically tortured and that it was going to be excruciating. I think that he knew to die without having forgiven would intensify that torture.

The same is true for us. Life is hard and we get hurt. Our hurt can be intensified if we carry un-forgiveness in our heart.

When we forgive others and ourselves we are set free from the garbage polluting our life. Even though we may be hurt in the present or the future we can rid ourselves of past wrong-doings.

Forgiveness is a gift that we give to ourselves.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes the smallest actions bring about the biggest results?

The other day I was carrying some tulips into the office. They were originally on my table at home but I really liked them and wanted to look at them all day long so I brought some for my desk. They were beautiful, white etched with pink.

I arrive at the office most mornings as the sun is coming up. Because the offices face the east we get the glow of the morning sun. These few minutes of sunrise are a daily joy.

Walking in to work that morning I noticed as the sun shone on the tulips in my hands, the glow from the sun reflected through the tulips onto my shirt. It was so beautiful the sun coming through those tulips. It made them look iridescent.

Isn’t that the way it is with life? It takes a very small action to cause something incredible to happen. The stories I read in the Bible show us that over and over again.

One of my favorites is the story of Moses and the Red sea. Moses held up a small stick and God did the rest.

All I did was carry the tulips and God used the sun to create magnificent beauty.

It seems that’s the way it is in life too. If we do the little things, the seemingly insignificant things, we will be delighted by big results.

Sometimes as I work with someone I realize that they feel very much like the ball in a pin-ball machine. They feel like they hit one wall only to rebound and hit up against another. They never really get to a place where they feel they are at peace.

One of the questions I often ask these clients is, “Are you letting your external circumstances affect your internal reality?”

I think this is true for a lot of folks. If something happens around them they instantly lose their inner peace and quietness; turning them into the ball in a pin-ball machine, allowing them to be thrown around with no control over themselves.

I’ve been teaching not only myself, but others as well, that the internal reality doesn’t need to be affected by external circumstances. You can walk through difficult situations and still keep an internal quietness in your heart. This will make a huge difference in how you relate to the external circumstances. If you are at peace and feel assured inside; if you feel your world is the way you would like it then when difficult external circumstances occur you don’t have to freak out.

There is a line in the Bible from the book of Proverbs that says, “When all hell breaks lose if you fall apart, there wasn’t much to you to begin with.”

I think this is a wonderful quote. There are very few people who can deal with difficult situations without freaking out. This, of course, only adds to the chaos they are living in.

I believe that maturity comes from a place of internal peace, where your internal reality is true and sure. Regardless of what is happening you can walk through it, bringing a sense of calm with you

Check your internal realities. Know where you are. Are your heart and soul at peace? If so, when external circumstances go haywire you won’t feel like that ball, bouncing around the inside of a pin-ball machine.

One of my favorite handouts that we use at Family Coaching is called The Cherokee Chief. It’s about watching what you think and paying attention to how you are using your energy. An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside of me” he said to the boy. “It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil. He is anger and envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, ego and fear. The other is good. He is joy and peace, love, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside of you and every other person, too.” The grandson thought about this for a minute and then he asked his grandfather, “Which one will win?” The old chief simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Are you thinking you will succeed? You are right.

Are you thinking you will fail? You are right.

Are you thinking that love will come your way? Are you thinking that your children will respect you and honor you? Are you thinking that life is good and sweet? Are you thinking that all things are possible with effort and positive thinking?

Or, do you have stinking thinking? I know that I did for much of my life. I thought about failure, disasters, death, rejection, and many other negative things.

For many years of my life I fed the evil wolf and my life looked like it. When I learned to keep my thoughts on the positive side things changed instantly.

There’s a quote in the Bible in the book of Philippians chapter four, verses eight through nine. It goes like this;

8 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.  9 Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

I think this is the ideal we all must live by; turn your mind to the positive, open yourself up to the good. This will make all the difference.

Healing a Broken Heart -

After living many years with a broken heart and seeking to find the answers for the pain I had lived through I found a simple but profound answer to healing a broken heart. One morning while I was spending time with God complaining about how hard my life had been, I heard in my spirit this quote:

“How long are you going to give today to yesterday?”

It was true. I had spent so many days complaining about the hardships I faced that I was missing the good things that were happening today. From that day forward I began each day by meditating on the good and no longer paying attention to the past except to use it as a lesson in growing. I began my spiritual healing.

I had missed a lot of very good days because I was paying attention to the hurt from the past. My sons and I were doing okay. We had what we needed, we loved each other, and we were safe. So with that understanding, I started living each day as a gift from the Father. As I became more grateful for each wonderful day, each day became more and more fulfilling.

Healing a broken heart became as simple as focusing on God and on my present day.

It was true. When we shift our attention from ourselves to others, we begin to see the world with brand-new eyes. We become a gift for others, a tool to help them leave their past in the past.

This lesson I learned so many years ago, is something I call a 2 x 4 understanding. (As in, getting smacked with a 2 x 4 piece of wood.) It was one of those adjustments that changed my life, shifted my focus, and aligned my purposes. Quickly and powerfully.

In the Bible, the first chapter of the Gospel of John teaches us how God continues to teach us and give us good gifts. This understanding was one of those good gifts and a powerful teaching. I like to share this lesson in hopes of healing a broken heart or two.

Evidence of God In Nature -

It has been many years now since I first began to notice that nature can fill my soul. It doesn’t matter what kind of day I am having when I take the time to notice all the amazing beauty in the world around me, my heart is lifted. Such physical evidence of God in nature is definitely evidence of God’s love for us.

Rainbows were the first thing that I began to notice. Now, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing or where I may be, if it starts to cloud up and drizzle I immediately start looking for rainbows. Many times I get lucky and see double rainbows. I’ve learned tricks about where they are and how to find them. I’ve learned to look into the dark parts of the sky for reflections from the sun as they come through the raindrops. It is remarkable to see each color as it melts into the next. A rainbow that stretches across the sky from end to end never fails to lift my spirits and remind me that God is a BIG God.

When it comes to looking for falling stars it is important to be looking up. I have seen them as the morning breaks on the horizon. I’ve seen them late at night when all is quiet and the rest of the world is sleeping. I’ve seen them across the middle of the sky, at the highest point in the sky, and nearing the horizon. Each time I see one it takes my breath away and I am so grateful that I was looking up instead of down at my feet. Maybe the real lesson here is to be paying attention to more than just our own selves.

Robins have always been one of my favorite breeds of bird. I love to watch them with the sun on their red breasts. I love to watch them as they pull worms from the ground in the Family Coaching garden. It is incredible to see a bunch of them together. Some of them will be in the trees while others are sitting on the ground. Such a sight always gives me pause.

I take a deep breath and realize how great the world is that we live in. I could watch for hours, wasting more time than I have available. They always seem to be evidence of God and his close presence.

It’s important for all of us to look to nature and to keep a childlike wonder for all there is to behold. No two rainbows are exactly the same. No two falling stars follow the same pattern. And no two robins have exactly the same colored breast. So for me, it is necessary to watch nature and enjoy it with every breath I take. If anyone ever wondered of the evidence of God, all they need do is look to the splendor of the world he created.

Finding Inner Peace Through Scripture -

There are a lot of people who ask me how it is that I have inner peace.

It’s a quietness, a belief that everything is going to be OK. One of the things I’ve spent most of my life doing, especially these last nine years at Family Coaching, is teaching people how to find that quietness so that they can walk through storms or chaos and still keep their footing. Finding inner peace is actually quite easy. It only takes a few minutes of your day to accomplish. Finding serenity, finding happiness and finding peace of mind can all be found in the quiet communion with God.

For me, finding inner peace is achieved through prayer, by kneeling beside my bed, sitting on the porch swing or sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee and just being quite.

A lot of the time I write to help me reach that place. It’s an old technique that’s been practiced forever. I get a pen and a notebook and I start writing a letter to God. It’s not so much a journal but more of a conversation with God. The act of writing keeps my brain engaged and my heart peaceful.

I also recommend reading the Bible out loud.

It’s a magical book. Even though there are those who won’t like the Bible being referred as such, I feel it is a magical book full of wisdom and filled with ideas and stories of encouragement. It’s filled with the power of God, of who He is. It’s the story of Him. As you read it your mind and heart become quiet. Most people read books silently, the way the author intended. You read through them really quickly, your eyes moving lickity-split and you get the gist of the story. The Bible is not like that. It’s the only book I know of that’s made to be read out loud. It’s meant to be read slowly so that the reader can contemplate what they are reading. One of our tricks at Family Coaching is to just open the Bible to a random page and read a few lines.

As I do it now, I’ve opened it on Proverbs 1:20

Lady Wisdom goes out in the street and shouts. At the town center she makes her speech. 21 In the middle of the traffic she takes her stand. At the busiest corner she calls out: 22 “Simpletons! How long will you wallow in ignorance? Cynics! How long will you feed your cynicism? Idiots! How long will you refuse to learn? 23 About face! I can revise your life. Look, I’m ready to pour out my spirit on you; I’m ready to tell you all I know. 24 As it is, I’ve called, but you’ve turned a deaf ear; I’ve reached out to you, but you’ve ignored me.

As I open the Bible again I land on Psalm 97:1

God rules: there’s something to shout over! On the double, mainlands and islands – celebrate! 2 Bright clouds and storm clouds circle ’round him; Right and justice anchor his rule. 3 Fire blazes out before him, Flaming high up the craggy mountains. 4 His lightnings light up the world; Earth, wide-eyed, trembles in fear. 5 The mountains take one look at God And melt, melt like wax before earth’s Lord. 6 The heavens announce that he’ll set everything right, And everyone will see it happen – glorious!

It really is an amazing exercise. You never know what words of wisdom you will find when you just open the Bible.

In west Texas we have thunderstorms that are fantastic. The lightning is like a light show, it’s just runs across the sky. I know that lightning is electricity and that clouds are condensation, I know all the scientific facts. But, I also know that the storms come from somewhere.

When I read this book in the morning it connects me to a place of quiet reassurance, of knowing that things are ok. I know this is one of the reasons I’m in such good health. It’s because I spend my time being with the God I love so much, the God who loves me. I spend time with Him; writing, praying, asking for guidance. Then I watch Him move me forward in amazing ways. So, I invite you to sit down or kneel, to sit outside or at the kitchen table, whenever or wherever you feel is best. I prefer to sit outside early in the morning before the sun has come up. I like to listen to the birds chirping, announcing that the sun is about to rise. Did you know that? Did you know that birds keep chirping until the sun hits the horizon? At that moment they quite down as if to take pause while they notice the majesty of the sun. Then, they all start the concert again. It’s amazing. Be like the birds, notice and enjoy the quiet. Enjoy time by yourself. Learn how to be quiet, be still and let your heart be at rest and you will soon be finding inner peace.

What is a Christian? What is the definition of a Christian? Is a Christian someone who listens only to Christian music, or goes to church every Sunday?

To answer this question I must first a address the root of the word.

In my opinion ‘Christian’ is a bad word.

I often have this conversation with people about Christianity. We Christians have ruined the reputation of our leader. Instead I tell people that I’m a follower of Jesus. That I came from Nazareth, Texas and Jesus came from Nazareth near Galilee. I follow Him. I follow what He did. I follow how He lived. I teach as best I can of things that He taught. But I really think that Christians have soiled the reputation of the Creator of this world. We have pushed people away from ever finding out how much they are loved by Jesus and by His father who is also our Father.

I am amazed when I talk with others that people somehow think being a Christian makes you a small thinker, which is exactly the opposite of what Jesus taught. Jesus taught that you are to think large. You may ask what is a Christians world view? How should we think? How should we act? In my opinion it starts with believing in Christ.

In John 14: 12 Jesus says, “I tell you the truth. If you trust Me, believe in Me, you can do more than I am doing.”

I memorized it years ago because I couldn’t believe it. I love that! I love to be able to put my hand on someone and just because my hand is there they feel healing in their body. They feel reassurance. Their depression leaves them.

I think of Jesus as being fun, as enjoying life and showing people how to live big.

One of the first things Jesus did was to create really good wine.  The story says that they had been celebrating for days at a party and they ran out of wine. He told the people to get twelve huge barrels (similar in size to modern day oil barrels) and fill them full of water. Then He said to pour the water into their glasses. As the men who had filled the barrels were pouring the water into the glasses they saw the water change to wine. When the party goers tasted the wine they were astonished that the bad wine had been served before the good. They asked of Jesus “Why would you serve the best wine we’ve ever tasted now that we have been celebrating for days?” I believe it’s because Jesus liked to have fun. He loved to have a good time and have people around Him. He obviously had something to say.

Another story tells us of five thousand men, women and children who followed Jesus out into the countryside. He didn’t have port-a-potties. He didn’t have sound systems. He didn’t have any food. And yet they still followed Him because they wanted to hear what He had to say. I think about something like that happening today and I wonder who would be willing to follow?

I know that Christian is a bad word. So you will hear me say that I follow Jesus. I study Him. I learn how He did it. I learn what He did. I learn His attitude. The greatest thing I’ve learned is how to be a servant. How to get my lazy carcass up and go do something extra nice for someone else; whether it’s bringing someone a cup of coffee, preparing a snack for somebody or making one of my children breakfast in bed. Those little things say I’m a follower of Jesus.

I’m sorry that we’ve done that to His reputation. I hope you will discover the things I’m talking about, the Jesus who is amazing, who loves people a lot. He rescued me from the bottom of a slimy pit of puss and yuck and turned my life around. He forgave me, set me free.  It’s my wish that you will find this to be true; that you can follow Jesus. You don’t have to be like all the Christians that you see and hear about. You can be the follower.

So in the end when someone ask what is a Christian; I tell them a True Christian is a follower of Christ.

Psalms 100 explains how to reside in the throne room of God.

Pat reads the translation from The Message Bible as well as a quote from ‘God Chasers’ by Tommy Tenny:

“The farther you go into the throne room, the fewer your companions.”